Our family also used to have the big extended family dinners. I look back fondly on those memories and wish I could recreate everything. But I’m also at the stage where I recognize the absolute drain those events are on my system! My kids are happy with a very low-key, gentle celebration that honours their ND wiring. And I’m not so exhausted at the end!
Julie, you always bring clarity to these types of nuanced experiences. Reading this reminded me that it's okay to say no, to step away, to celebrate differently. I grew up in a family that insisted upon specific traditions surrounding the holidays, and because of that, I thought I had to impart that upon my own family once Ben and I started having kids.
Then, only a couple of weeks ago shortly before the US Thanksgiving holiday, I said something I never thought I'd say to my family during dinner. I told them, "Sometimes I feel overwhelmed this time of year and I need to take a break. If I tell all of you that I'm going to my room to be alone and read, it doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you or that you have done something wrong. What it means is that I need to rest, so that I can be happy when I return to celebrate with all of you. And if you need to take a break because you are feeling overwhelmed, you just tell Mom or Dad, and you can find a quiet place to be alone if it's too noisy."
Thanks for sharing. It sure brings back lots of memories of Christmases past.
I really enjoyed your article So true, we should not feel we have to follow the Christmas tradition to please everyone but ourselves!
True! And being open to the fact that traditions can change..
Our family also used to have the big extended family dinners. I look back fondly on those memories and wish I could recreate everything. But I’m also at the stage where I recognize the absolute drain those events are on my system! My kids are happy with a very low-key, gentle celebration that honours their ND wiring. And I’m not so exhausted at the end!
I'm with you! Part of me wants the big celebration while also knowing I can't handle it...
Julie, you always bring clarity to these types of nuanced experiences. Reading this reminded me that it's okay to say no, to step away, to celebrate differently. I grew up in a family that insisted upon specific traditions surrounding the holidays, and because of that, I thought I had to impart that upon my own family once Ben and I started having kids.
Then, only a couple of weeks ago shortly before the US Thanksgiving holiday, I said something I never thought I'd say to my family during dinner. I told them, "Sometimes I feel overwhelmed this time of year and I need to take a break. If I tell all of you that I'm going to my room to be alone and read, it doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you or that you have done something wrong. What it means is that I need to rest, so that I can be happy when I return to celebrate with all of you. And if you need to take a break because you are feeling overwhelmed, you just tell Mom or Dad, and you can find a quiet place to be alone if it's too noisy."
That's how I'm trying to do things differently.
You are giving your kids such a gift in allowing and modelling that space taking. Bravo!